[00:00:00] The body always always always always always knows before the mind knows and this is its way of asking for a course correction This is its way of literally trying to pull you towards where you need to go.
Welcome to the Make Up Your Mind podcast. I'm your host Jahleane Dolne, and I'm here to help you make up your mind - literally and figuratively. I'm a motivational speaker, content creator, subconscious mindset coach, and the founder of The Postgrad Playbook- the only coaching platform and resource center for post-grads and 20 somethings to release mindset blocks and take action towards their chosen career , no matter how, quote unquote, unconventional that might look.
As an expert recognized by Afrotech, LinkedIn news,, and more, I help you identify what you actually want, release what's keeping you stuck, and have a game plan to take action with clarity, confidence, conviction, and ease. Here we cover all things, paving your own way and how that looks personally and professionally. Get ready to finally make [00:01:00] up your mind.
Let's get started.
Hello, happy Wednesday and welcome back to the second ever episode of Make Up Your Mind. I am so excited because we had our first episode launch last week and it just received so much positive feedback that it makes me excited to hear it. It makes me excited to keep recording episodes and then also just construct the outline of how the rest of the show is going to go.
So thank you so much for, you know, sharing it on the stories, the feedback, and just the messages that I got. I also wanted to note one thing that you might have not known is I record all these episodes with my camera, so the podcast is also available on YouTube. So if that's something that you prefer instead of listening on Spotify or Apple or whatever you listen on, y ou can go ahead subscribe to the show on YouTube and then watch it there So hello from YouTube, maybe if you are watching from there But anyways, thanks [00:02:00] so much again for tuning in I hope that you've just been having a wonderful week.
Personally for me, I've been having an amazing week just because it's been so sunny here in New York. I've just been really intentional about spending as much time as I can outside and trying to hit 10k steps.
It's definitely feeling like summer in the city and if you know me personally, you know that that is my favorite time of year For new york city like summer in new york is absolutely unbeatable A little bit of background. I am new york born california raised but this past April I hit my three year anniversary of living in New York City.
And really that got me thinking about my journey throughout my early twenties and the couple of moves that I did that led to this point where I'm happy and I'm situated here in New York. And honestly, a lot of brave decisions that led to me deciding to move states multiple times.
As you can tell from the episode title, today we're talking about all things moving to a new [00:03:00] city and what that means for you and your purpose and even if you should do it
To dial it back a little bit, like I've mentioned, I've made, a couple of major moves One sort of involuntary and the second one was fully voluntary and a much more empowered decision and maybe you might relate to one of them or even both.
If we look back in time, maybe about four or five years ago, it was a little while ago, my last quarter of college, I went to UC Santa Barbara, and you know when you're gearing up to graduate, thinking about post grad is already scary because you've been in this bubble for about four years of your college town and thinking about stepping outside of it It's foreign, right?
You know, there's a world outside of it, but it's foreign compared to the life that you've been living So when I was a senior I was really contemplating what life would look like after college for me.
During this time. I was in the process of finalizing a lot of my postgrad job opportunities, but there was nothing set in stone.
I was sort of between a [00:04:00] rock and a hard place because I knew I didn't necessarily want to stay in california But I also carried an overall negative sentiment around moving back home post grad I felt like there was an overall negative connotation associated with that like I wanted to be able to just go and start living with my friends and really starting to enjoy my adult life rather than Feeling like I took a step back to live back home with my parents
So I was really gunning to stay in california Even though internally deep down I did know that it wasn't good for me to stay there
I knew that moving was the right option for me, but I try to avoid it at all costs Absolutely all costs and I decided just to push down that knowing that I should be moving to stay in California and live out the life that I had been living. So I pushed my intuition aside that told me to start making plans to leave and decided just to continue my life. Because it was familiar That is what I knew over the last four years and also I created these relationships with people that I wasn't necessarily ready to completely move away from
I [00:05:00] remember my best friend and I made an agreement that we were both going to stay in California and we're just going to figure it out. I don't know, maybe move to LA. That was the dream at the time. That's what a lot of people wanted to do.
And I was content with that, even though I was pushing down a feeling in my stomach that I knew it was time for me to leave. In reality, I knew that I had grown all that I could there as I'd been there for the last 20 plus years.
My intuition at the time was so loud It's like I really had to put an effort to ignore it I knew that I had grown all that I possibly could grow in that moment Within California at that moment, but because it was so unfamiliar, potentially moving out of state to someplace I'd never been, or even just having such a big pivot in my life, I shoved down that intuition.
I just totally did not want to listen to it. So my best friend and I we made plans to Go and figure out some apartment in la at the time And that was going to be the dream and I was holding on to that And I kid you not [00:06:00] not even an hour later, I suffer from my second ACL tear that was completely a freak accident and ended up resulting in me having to move back home and start a year long of recovery.
Looking back at this moment, I don't think it's wild to say that I feel like supernatural forces were conspiring to get me out of California and into a place that would aid my growth.
In reality, like I mentioned, there was nothing left for me in California, and I knew that on every single level. But the overall discomfort of potentially, leaving your hometown and what you know is very scary.
So my first move was from Southern California to my parents house in the South and, oh my gosh, it was truly such a crazy move. I didn't know anybody there. I was in a completely new environment. I was going about living postgrad life, not with my college friends anymore. It was a completely different pace than Southern California, and it definitely wasn't my college town.
And it was just a massive, [00:07:00] massive, massive shift.
But at the same time, it was forcing me to grow. During the two years that I lived in the South I completely went through a whole mode of self discovery.
Fast forward and I am positioning myself for another move to become the city girl I am once again. I'm basically throwing the peace sign up and I'm saying thanks for the memories. I'm out
During this time period, I had landed in a remote job that had great benefits and it really allowed me to live anywhere. So I was playing around with multiple different places that I can be in the country. I was considering moving back to California. Austin, Texas, Atlanta, Georgia, and then shocker, New York City.
Every day I was just doing the pros and cons list of each city. , do I really want to go back to California after two years of not being there? Do I want to try out a new city in Austin where I don't know anybody? I had family in Atlanta , but I didn't have any friends.
The situation was similar to New York, but I've been to New York several times because I was born there and I had family there and I really didn't know what I was going to do but I [00:08:00] eventually narrowed the list down to just either New York or Atlanta
I really didn't know which one I was going to pick and as I'm doing my research on YouTube about all these cities, the number one thing that people said about New York was how expensive it was.
Expensive, expensive, expensive. And it's really not feasible to live here and so on, which I do agree it can be very pricey here, but that was seriously stopping me. At the time I decided i'm just going to go ahead and live in atlanta and i'm going to live out my 20s there and so
It's interesting because I made that decision consciously , but when it came to solidifying a move in date, I kept pushing it like two weeks Oh, no, let's push it out another two weeks Let's push it out another month until I had decided that I was going to move to Atlanta In august and it was december and I still hadn't moved And that was because on so many levels I had known that I wanted to move to new york I felt this inner tug from my spirit to move to new york. But the rhetoric of it being so seriously [00:09:00] expensive was absolutely stopping me.
One thing I do love about living in the South is that there's this overall stillness of it. California and New York are very go go go, but the South, things just move a lot slower.
During this time I was really able to embark on a journey of self rediscovery and learn who I was again through the stillness that the South provided me. And through the TikToks and all the personal development books that I've been reading and the content that I've been consuming, There were so many TikToks talking about your higher self and what do they look like? How do they dress? How do they act? How do you see them being? Where do you see them living? And so on I was constantly consuming that kind of content. One thing about me is I'm a very action oriented person.
I can move into action pretty quickly. So when I kept stalling about pushing out the moving date, I was like, there's something wrong here I wasn't a hundred percent excited about this move and when I thought about it I was like my highest self does not live in Atlanta. Atlanta is great It's great, but for me, for [00:10:00] who Jahleane is, she doesn't live in Atlanta.
My intuition was telling me that there is going to be opportunities there that I probably will not be able to find anywhere else.
There are going to be people I needed to meet. There are going to be experiences that I needed to have that would be so unique to New York and I needed to move there. At the same time, this was terrifying for me to admit on a conscious level because, once again, New York is expensive.
And especially now, , it's more expensive now than it was a couple of years ago because of, hello, this economy, inflation,
So that higher version of myself lived in New York But of course that was very scary to admit and it was even scarier to accept because of course, yes I had this vision of myself and who I could be if I moved to New York and stepped into it Which I'm definitely am still in the process of becoming But that is just something that lives in my imagination.
There's a huge what if associated with that. There's a huge what if associated with all of our dreams, which is why I think it's almost harder to even go ahead and pursue. It's absolutely terrifying.
But then I really [00:11:00] took a step back and I was like, okay, if this is what my higher self would do, maybe there's a way that I can make it work.
if I'm going to be moving out there, just God let there be a sign or let there be something that allows me, let the pieces fall into place. So I'm able to move and within the next few weeks I got promoted at my job, which was a hundred percent remote, and it allowed me to make the move and make the jump, as soon as that happened, I remember just texting my best friend, like I'm moving to New York and I'm going to do it.
I booked a one way ticket and it's been three years and it was the best decision that I've ever made. And I can confidently say that even though I'm still very much so well on my way to doing all the things that I want to do in my lifetime, the intuition that I had about some of the opportunities and experiences that I would have were correct.
So while there were two very different circumstances that surrounded both the moves that I've had in my early 20s they both had the most amazing consequences that I'm still reaping the benefits of today
[00:12:00] If you're on the fence about moving here are some reasons why you should move.
The first pro is Just the sheer benefit of being able to start over and reinvent yourself
when you pick up and move to a new place, nobody knows you. They don't know your past. They don't know maybe one embarrassing thing that you did. They don't know your family. You truly have the ability to start over and be whoever you want to be.
I think a lot of times when we're in community with other people who have known us for a very long period of time, we might feel pressure to fit into the boxes that they have created for us or that we've built for ourselves over periods of times.
And more often than it's not those boxes don't necessarily grow as we grow .
One thing that I love about New York is that You truly can be anyone you want here and you can be your most authentic self You can go after what you want And if there's a community that you want to be a part of they probably have a community for it here As probably what happens with a lot of major cities If you have the pull to move someplace, there will [00:13:00] probably be some kind of opportunity associated with That align with the intentions for your move .
Reinventing yourself without the constraints of other people's opinions is probably one of the most freeing and liberating experiences that you ever have. I would almost consider it a second glow up.
Even now when I go back home and I see my friends Sometimes they'll mention oh you carry yourself a lot differently now or you do this differently or that differently? And I think that's one of the beauties of moving cities and living someplace different.
There's one analogy that I found a while back that I feel like fits in perfectly with this situation and it says a shark in a fish tank will grow eight inches but in the ocean it'll grow to eight feet or more. The shark will never outgrow its environment and the same is true about you.
It's impossible to outgrow an environment that produced the version of you that you are right now. You have to step out of your comfort zone and you have to go someplace else that has different circumstances, new players, new experiences, and so on. So that way you can step into a bigger version of [00:14:00] yourself or the ideal version of yourself.
And sometimes it really is, leaving certain people behind, too. Which can sound pretty cutthroat if I say it out loud that way. But sometimes there are certain people in our lives that might be holding us back, that when you move away, you have the chance to start over and almost have a breath of fresh air.
I went through a 12 week creative recovery course called The Artist's Way. It's a very popular book and course by Julia Cameron, and there's one part in one of the chapters I can't remember which off the top of my head right now where she's talking about the crazy makers that we have in our lives so Maybe with them it's something is always going wrong and then they drag you into it So your plans get averted or you're not able to concentrate as well On a project that you've been working on or maybe you have a big Presentation the next day and they come in and they have a fight with you or something like that
I'm not saying every single situation has to be that dramatic, but we have these crazy makers in our lives or some people in our lives that are in some way [00:15:00] sabotaging our success so we can't move forward. I'm not saying moving is the only way to fix these kinds of problems in your life, but if you're thinking about moving and going to a new state, that's just another benefit of, allowing better energy and more fulfilling people to enter your life
secondly, another reason why I think you should move is the sheer job opportunity and potential. I live in a major city being in New York. One of the reasons why I absolutely love living here is that everything is in a 15 mile radius give or take. For the most part, I can get to some of the most historical landmarks within 15 miles of me, which is absolutely crazy to think about. But also since I live in a major city that is a hub There are just certain opportunities that I would have never gotten otherwise unless I lived in a city like I would not have been able to You know go to culture con or go to the LinkedIn offices or the meta Instagram offices or attend all these events if I had lived in the south That's just simply not the case.
The kinds of [00:16:00] people that I was able to meet and the kinds of career advancements that I was able to have just because I lived in New York City, I feel like it set my career ahead years, .
And also something that goes hand in hand with that. Another reason why moving I felt like was to what the best decisions for me was because your social skills will drastically, drastically improve. I'm moved alone. I was a little bit wild for that.
. I didn't know anyone here besides some family my cousins and so on. Other than that, I had to build my network up from scratch and I was a hustler in my early 20s. don't have nearly as much energy as I did back then, but not knowing anyone in the city and then going to so many events alone really made me exercise my social skills and my muscle just to Constantly be outside and get to know as many people as possible and build a friend group
Moving alone really forced me to come outside of my comfort zone And so if you're someone who is looking [00:17:00] for that, I think that's one of the biggest pros to moving out
One of the last reasons and maybe one of the biggest reasons why I think that it is so important to move especially if you're in your 20s is because The earlier you are in your 20s the less serious commitments that you have and the older you get Obviously the more serious commitments that you get So for example when you get to your 30s more of our friends are married have homes Have maybe kids have pets right in your early 20s or when you're younger You don't have a lot of those commitments when I decided to move.
I wasn't married. I didn't have kids. I still don't so i'm still mobile But it's like I didn't have a house that I put a down payment on And so I had that freedom to make a lot bolder decisions I think this is the perfect time to be as bold as you want because
there might be less opportunity to be bold as you get older, which is a harsh truth, but one worth considering
Okay, on the flip side, there are definitely a lot of cons, to be fair. That I definitely did face and I feel like [00:18:00] I, in some ways, learned the hard way. The first is that you're very intentionally choosing to close the door on a past chapter of your life and That life still goes on without you
I remember one time I went back out to California for one of my friends birthday and we all just had a beach day and it was in San Diego. I remember we were swimming in the lake. We went jet skiing and so on. I know that's a very intentional day out that we had and it was for a birthday celebration, but I remember thinking while I was there that this is what I decided to give up on. This is a glimpse of the life that I could have lived, and you'll get glimpses of what could have been if you had decided to stay instead of move where it is a lot harder to move.
It's a lot harder to put yourself out of your comfort zone, build a whole friends group from scratch. Very hard to, even establish a whole new routine.
When in the original scenario, you could have maybe had it all, but at the same time, like I mentioned, would that have been worth foregoing that intuition or that tugging in your stomach that's telling you that you want [00:19:00] more and you want to go ahead and live in the bigger city or you want to go ahead and have these experiences, but it is a con and it's a truth that life goes on without you.
And maybe when you do go back, there are inside jokes that you're no longer a part of. There are experiences that you don't have with your best friends anymore. And is a very real trade off that you have to be okay with making.
Secondly, I have alluded to this alot already but the financial constraints of moving. Transparently, when I moved to New York, like I mentioned, I did have a promotion.
I had a very well paying job in tech, and then I also was able to crash with some family while I decided where I wanted to live, found a roommate, and so on, which really helped me ease into the city, but I understand that that's a privilege that I had that a lot of people might not be afforded.
I always knew that New York was pricier but it didn't really hit me until I went to Target and the face wash that I used at the time was like For like three or four dollars more than where it [00:20:00] was where I lived in the south and I was like, oh, oh, okay They really mean like New York is pricier.
It's like your whole cost of living does go up but at the same time, I think it does even out a little bit because I don't have a car, I don't have to pay for gas, insurance, things like that, but the financial constraints of moving is something that needs to be talked about and is something that needs to be planned for
And one of the last cons I definitely did allude to this but overall that is the growing pains that come to a new city , when you are meeting a new version of yourself It is not going to be easy. Like I mentioned there are new routines. You're building your friends group from scratch You're building out a new network You are really setting the foundation for a life that you're going to be living and it's a completely new environment. It's not for the weak, especially if you're doing it alone like I did but you know diamonds aren't formed without pressure
There might be a lot of times when you're like, what have I done?
This was not the right choice to make, But on the flip side there will also be many times where you are like this was one of the best [00:21:00] decisions I could have ever made for myself and it is so important to keep pushing through when things get tough to get to the other side
And at the end of the day if the cons really do outweigh the pros It is totally fine nothing is 100 percent set in stone. You can always move back to where you originally were and just know that you tried and gave it your best shot.
And now for the last part of this episode This is for you all that are on the fence if you want to move to a new city But you really aren't sure if it's for you here are some signs that you should and that you are more ready than you think
Number one you feel like a big fish in a small pond
This can show up in a lot of ways Including that you feel like you've learned all you possibly could Currently where you are and you've just been feeling very stagnant and also Complacent
Like I mentioned in my story, I knew that there just wasn't anything there for me anymore. And if I wanted to close the gap between who I currently was and who I saw myself being, I had to move.
The second is if you find yourself asking what if, [00:22:00] like a lot. So if your mind is constantly traveling over to people who live in certain cities or people who have a specific kind of lifestyle that you find yourself having, that's your subconscious telling you it's time for you to make the move.
Another sign that your subconscious is showing you is that you start seeing signs Or you keep hearing things about moving or the city that you'd like to move to brought up in conversations around you
As an example of this let's say you're shopping for a Jeep and maybe you might Google jeeps, jeeps near me and maybe you might watch a couple of YouTube videos talking about jeeps and you know, the benefits of having one and so on.
But then you might notice as you're driving down the road for the next week, you see so many jeeps around you . Jeeps everywhere. these jeeps are being reinforced back into your reality and your consciousness.
This is our brain helping us notice What is important to us at that time and what it really wants you to see .
So if moving has been on your mind and you're really considering it [00:23:00] you might see signs you might find yourself serendipitously making connections with people who live in the city you want to live or there might be a job opportunity that pops up in the city that you'd like to be in You might start seeing it show up more and more and more in your everyday life And that's a sign that subconsciously, you want to move.
Also, randomly, this could look like even having dreams about it. I had dreams about moving to New York before I actually did it. And it was the wildest experience for me. And it helped me have the confidence to make the jump even more.
The last reason of how you should know if you should definitely move is if you feel this overwhelming gut feeling and conviction towards it
The body always always always always always knows before the mind knows and this is its way of asking for a course correction This is its way of literally trying to pull you towards where you need to go. Listen to it sooner rather than later. Either way, it never goes away and you don't want to think, I wish I had.
So for my final thoughts, is it worth it moving [00:24:00] to New City? I would say absolutely 100 percent yes, if you couldn't, if you couldn't tell.
Three years after moving to New York, the kinds of experiences I've had, the opportunities I've had, the career growth that I've had, the friends that I've made, it's worth it.
I couldn't imagine not having them in my life, and I also couldn't imagine living anywhere else. Of course, I'm very much so on my way. I'm still paving my own way. I'm still growing. I'm still learning every single day and I love it. But living here definitely sent me years ahead than I feel like if I had lived elsewhere.
I don't think I ever would have developed into a speaker, into a content creator, even having my own podcast like I'm doing right now.
Looking back on it. I think that past version of myself probably would have never even dabbled in social media, or really developed. as a speaker, as a creator, really, in a lot of the things that I find so much joy in now.
I just can't imagine I would have ever done it had I not been [00:25:00] forced to grow, develop some sort of grit, and also the confidence to even put myself out there online.
I'll tie it up with a bow and I'll say, yes, it is not a walk in a park, but it will provide you with a level of grit and resilience, and a newfound sense of self that I think is unmatched and 100 percent worth it.
That brings us to the end of today's episode. Thank you so much for listening to our second episode of make up your mind. Be sure to go ahead and share this on Instagram, share it with a friend. Let me know what you thought or if you have any questions through DMing me and I will see you next Wednesday.
Bye.
