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Sometimes when you stay in a situation that doesn't serve you for so long, even though you feel the pressure getting more and more intense , you may get to a point where it feels like everything is burning down around you, but since you've become accustomed to an increasing rise in pressure,
you might not feel the need to leave
Welcome to the Make Up Your Mind podcast. I'm your host Jahleane Dolne, and I'm here to help you make up your mind - literally and figuratively. I'm a motivational speaker, content creator, subconscious mindset coach, and the founder of The Postgrad Playbook- the only coaching platform and resource center for post-grads and 20 somethings to release mindset blocks and take action towards their chosen career , no matter how, quote unquote, unconventional that might look.
As an expert recognized by Afrotech, LinkedIn news,, and more, I help you identify what you actually want, release what's keeping you stuck, and have a game plan to take action with clarity, confidence, conviction, and ease. Here we cover all things, [00:01:00] paving your own way and how that looks personally and professionally. Get ready to finally make up your mind.
Let's get started.
Hello, welcome to another Make Up Your Mind Wednesday. It is so great to be back speaking with you guys. Even though it was only just a week, but I don't know, the weeks seem to be going long these days. I'm really hoping that you've been having a good week. I know that I have and I'm really excited to dive into the topic that we have for today, which is all about when you feel like it's time for you to quit your job, which is just an experience in itself, but I'm excited to dive through all the ins and outs of that.
But first things first, I've loved how this podcast has kicked off so far over the last couple of weeks and I would love to hear your views on Apple podcast So make sure that before the end of the episode or if you take a moment right now Go ahead and leave me a review.
Let me know what you're thinking about the episode. I would seriously appreciate it, and it really helps the [00:02:00] show grow. And also, my personal motto is helping other people take up space and helping the right information get into the hands of the people who need it most. So, this allows the show to be spread to people who would really benefit from the conversations that we have.
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But to dive in today's episode, I know that a lot of you all who are listening to the podcast following the Instagram, following me personally on TikTok and so on, I know that a lot of us right now are at a crossroads.
From the content that I post that's the most engaged with, it's very apparent that there is a big shift going on collectively amongst all of us. And it seems that there's this overarching gap of [00:03:00] individuals in the community who are where they are right now, But are very aware of the distance between that and where they want to be.
And that end point is you having that fulfilling professional and personal life that you've always imagined for yourself.
And you can't get to that end point without having some serious changes and really leaving what's not serving you in the past to move forward and of course that can entail leaving your first job into what you actually want to do. The first episode we talked about what's my purpose , so definitely go ahead and listen to that.
If you feel like you're in the boat where you aren't sure what you want to do, there are a lot of good resources within that episode to figure out what your purpose is so you can pivot into something that is more aligned.
When you're leaving your job, it is a whole experience in itself. And this brings me back to when I quit my first job post grad, I didn't see it coming, but looking back on that experience, I really feel like that was the first time I exercised my own sense of agency over my life and what I want to do [00:04:00] and took the reins back. It was very empowering experience, but scary at the same time.
This all came to a head at the peak of 2020. During this time, I was doing a management training internship and I was killing it. I was learning a lot. I was working up the ranks very quickly. I got promoted multiple times within a year and it definitely felt like I could have a long term career where I was at.
And I was definitely seeing opportunities for growth where I was at through those promotions. So I was very happy. But as we all know what happened in 2020, March. COVID 19, the pandemic hit, and my workplace, along with a lot of other workplaces throughout the country, were significantly impacted. .
Lots of people were getting laid off all around the country, and that happened in my workplace as well.
We lost a lot of our staff and at the same time my workload ended up increasing tremendously. The role that I was originally starting to do just spiraled into doing a lot of other things and as you can [00:05:00] imagine it ended up being a position that turned into a very stressful situation for me.
As we know at the beginning of COVID 19, there weren't really any vaccines And the general public, we didn't know about masks at the time, so it spread like wildfire.
And unfortunately, I did have some members of my family pass away because of COVID. And that would just added stress into that whole experience and the situations that I was in. Due to the nature of the product that we are working with, It was going all around the country.
For obvious reasons, all of these circumstances piled on top of each other led to my overall unhappiness with the job. I remember going in every day and there was just a weight on my chest, a weight on my shoulders, and I couldn't really find fulfillment in what I was doing anymore. This job was completely misaligned and I needed to take a huge step back and move towards a course correction.
But the idea of actually leaving this job terrified me. There was no guarantee what was going to happen if I'd be able to land a new job. It was the peak of the pandemic. Everyone was getting laid off. It was so competitive.
There were [00:06:00] so many reasons why it was more comfortable for me to stay rather than pivoting and trying to explore what other opportunities could be out there for me.
Also at the same time. I'm on TikTok a lot. So I'm seeing the different kinds of experiences and different kinds of workplaces that other people are a part of and how it seems like they're enjoying their professional lives a lot more. So a big part of me is looking at. That could be me.
Like, I could find this someplace else. But once again, it was terrifying to actually muster up the courage to leave a job when there really wasn't security and the job market was as competitive as it was.
I'm contemplating this for a couple of months.
And I remember one time I had to go and clean some inventory in the back. It's a hot day. I'm living in the South and I'm cleaning this inventory in the back, just feeling absolutely miserable and. I swear it's always the smallest instances. It's not even the big blow up moments that cause you to make a pivot.
But while I was cleaning , I remember thinking to myself, if I could bust my butt for someone else, why can't I do it for myself? And busting my [00:07:00] butt for myself meant actually going out and putting in the work to find a new career or find something that was fulfilling rather than conforming to what I had over the last year or so decided was normal. That was my new norm.
What would it look like for me to take this brave action and eventually just write a new story for myself to course correct? What would that look like for me? Finally from that realization It felt like a light bulb went off It felt like an aha moment and I finally mustered up the courage to put in my two weeks notice . It felt like the greatest weight was lifted off of my shoulders and I was finally on the right path once again.
Even though I was absolutely Terrified the idea of taking that agency back into my life and forging a new path for myself Also felt very freeing and liberating for me at the same exact time, it was that terror for so long that was keeping me stuck from actually making that pivot.
There's an analogy that I heard a while back that I feel like fits in very well into this scenario or if you find yourself falling into the same boat.
It's [00:08:00] called the quote unquote boiling frog syndrome and it's based off of an urban legend where if you suddenly put a frog into boiling water, it's going to jump out and it jumps out because the conditions are way too extreme for it. It jumps out automatically because the conditions in that boiling water are way too extreme for it to survive. And if it doesn't jump out automatically, that means the frog's death.
Whereas if you go ahead and put a frog in regular room temperature water and you slowly, slowly, slowly crank up the temperature to the point where it's boiling, the frog may not notice that the temperature is getting warmer and warmer and warmer until it's too late. It's adapting to its circumstances throughout the time that you're increasing the temperature until it gets to where it's boiling hot, the frog is probably overwhelmed. But it's too late for the frog to jump out.
There isn't any real perception of danger because it's been slowly adjusting to the changes in its environment over long periods in time. So its tolerance has gone up and up and up, to the point where the circumstances are not [00:09:00] tolerable anymore and the frog is going to be doomed and cooked to death.
Sometimes when you stay in a situation that doesn't serve you for so long, even though you feel the pressure getting more and more intense , you may get to a point where it feels like everything is burning down around you, but since you've become accustomed to an increasing rise in pressure,
you might not feel the need to leave
Of course, this is an analogy, we always have the strength to leave. But the number one thing that's keeping us from leaving and keeps us stuck in that boiling water is fear.
Of course, we're not frogs. We have the agency to leave situations that are bad anytime we want. But what I do think is very relatable about this analogy is that sometimes we don't realize how bad a situation gets until we're at the boiling point, until we're at the tipping point.
There are a lot of things that keep us from. Really recognizing the severity of our situation or how much we actually want to leave. And there are a lot of things that we don't do to even initiate that change.
Of course, when it comes to finding a new job and quitting a job, you have to make sure that you [00:10:00] are secure financially and really understand how these kinds of changes will affect your whole life. But for today's conversation, I'm going to be talking about the number one scenario that keeps people from leaving jobs in situations that no longer serve them and they truly do not like and they know that there is no other opportunity to come from it They've learned all that they could learn but they stay for this reason It's because of fear.
Fear is the driving factor behind so much of what we do and the reason why it is so hard sometimes to initiate the change even though we know we want it on a conscious level.
The fear is what brings out all of the what ifs. What if I don't make enough money in my next job? What if I can't find a new job? What if I X Y Z you fill in the blank here? You become a total victim to your own worrying and haunted by the what ifs that come from your fear
thankfully, there are so many ways to rewire the fear rather than just muscling through it. And the answer is lying in your subconscious mind. If you aren't familiar with how your mind is broken [00:11:00] down, it is split into your conscious mind and your subconscious mind. Your conscious mind runs about 5 to 10 percent while your subconscious mind runs about 90 to 95 percent of your mind. If we think about your mind broken down into an iceberg, the tip of your mind would be your conscious mind And that part rules your willpower, your short term memory, your logical thinking, and also your critical thinking.
Whereas your subconscious mind, which is beneath the surface, let's say that's the part of the iceberg that's in the water and that's the 95%, that is your beliefs, your intuition, your fears, your core identity, your emotions, your habits, your values. A lot of the things that make you you and the essence of you are embedded within your subconscious mind.
Your subconscious mind is primarily formed between the ages of zero to seven. So when you are very, very young, the world around you, your parents, your family structure, and their ideals and values are embedded within you at this time.
Any experiences that you had or [00:12:00] conversations that were held around you between those ages really helped inform your identity and what you believe is true for you and how you should navigate the world, even if you can't consciously remember that time of your life.
The number one rule of the subconscious mind is to keep you safe. But safe to your subconscious means familiar. It just means what you know. Experiences where it can predict the outcome, not experiences that are completely brand new where you aren't sure what the outcome will be.
Another trait of the subconscious is that it works very closely with your nervous system so that you'll get a physiological response when you are nearing some kind of danger or an experience that is quote unquote unsafe. So for example, let's say that you've always had a fear of public speaking.
If you're about to get on stage, your throat might clam up, you might start getting sweaty, you might start feeling super hot, and your heart might start racing and so on.
You might have had an experience between the ages of 0 to 7 that taught you that public speaking wasn't safe.
So maybe you yourself when you were young you [00:13:00] tried to speak in front of some people and they laughed at you. Or maybe when you're young, you witness other people try to get in front of a crowd and share information, but then it went terribly wrong.
So somewhere in your subconscious, it's embedded that if you go up and you speak to all these people, it is going to end terribly. So it's producing a physiological response for you to take a step back and not put yourself in those kinds of situations, because It knows the end result, subconsciously. It knows it's going to end terribly, even though consciously that might not be the case, but to your subconscious, it is.
So this is one of the reasons why it can be so hard to leave a job that we're already accustomed to, because this job is safe to us and it's safe to our subconscious pivoting and going out on your own. finding a new opportunity, it's a whole new experience where your subconscious cannot determine or cannot guarantee the end result.
So therefore it is unsafe and you might find that you're fighting against yourself in many different ways to keep you from getting to what you [00:14:00] consciously want, which is a new opportunity.
This can look like some of those physiological responses that I talked about a little bit earlier, but this can also look like sneaky ways of self sabotaging.
In this scenario, it can look like you just don't take the steps, right? Maybe you don't put yourself in the right positions to be networking with other people because, oh, you have something to do. Maybe you set aside specific time that you're going to go ahead and search for new jobs, but then you get distracted by TikTok and you don't apply for the jobs that you had on your mind.
Or maybe you really wanted to hone in on one of your crafts and get better and better so that you can pivot from your full time job into something more creative, but all of a sudden you don't have time on weekends or you just forget.
Sneaky ways that you aren't advocating for yourself on every single level to take the necessary steps to be able to quit and give yourself that bed to lay in because your subconscious doesn't feel like it's safe.
This is also why it can be so hard to initiate such a change, because on many levels, you're going against your own nature, and your body is fighting you at [00:15:00] every single step. To get to the point where you don't self sabotage and where there is more ease in your body when you think about quitting or finding a new situation for yourself, you'll have to identify the root cause. What do you truly believe will happen if you decide to have more for yourself?
If you decide to leave this job, what are all the fears that you feel like might happen? One thing that's very interesting is that you'll find that when you start journaling on this, it might not even be your voice that comes up.
It can be Fears that are constantly regurgitated by your parents or your friends that are around you or society around you or maybe something that you saw online.
It might not be a fear that's authentic to you.
There might be some stigmas, including feeling like it is shameful to leave a job or leave a situation where you should be grateful, right? Sometimes people say you should just be grateful for this opportunity and stay there.
Another one is that your job might be quote unquote, very sexy. You might get a lot of validation from having the job that you have. Maybe it looks very good on paper. Maybe other people admire you for it. Maybe you [00:16:00] work for a very big name brand,
Do Some journaling on this and really figure out what are some of the core beliefs and stigmas that you are still abiding by? And how is that holding you back?
If you are very worried about what might happen, I read this really interesting stat from Cornell University and it said that 85 percent of the things that we worry about won't even happen. And 97 percent of the time, after we do the thing that we were worried about, we see that there was nothing to worry about at all. They did report that of the 15 percent of worries that do come true People often handle them way better than expected and learn something valuable Or find that there was nothing to worry about at all So either way the data is suggesting that you will be fine And also if you think about all the changes that you've initiated. More often than not, they turned out fine because you're here where you are right now and you're still standing.
In the past, they probably didn't end up as dramatic as your imagination would have told you they would.
Some tips to rewire and adopt a new belief system is, I love journaling, but then you can [00:17:00] also do things like affirmations in the morning, and eventually, as you tell yourself something more and more and more, your subconscious mind , will start to adopt it as truth.
So, for example, if you feel like you can't quit because there won't be as much financial opportunity in the future, you can create some affirmations stating I easily and effortlessly find opportunities that pay me X amount and more as I search for my next role, which is X, Y, and Z and so on. So start to rewire your brain so that it falls in line with where you would want to go in your future professional life.
And that brings me to the next section, some signs that you're ready to quit. Number one, You just do not see that this job is congruent with where you see your life heading
I reference this concept a little bit in my moving to a new city episode that you can listen to but if the position that you're at currently does not align with where you see yourself going you're essentially at a dead end until you do some sort of brave course correction I came across this graphic on Instagram and I'll read it out to you. It said, if If you give up [00:18:00] today in five or ten years reality will have you come across someone
who
show you what you could have been And I remember I was peak in my era of not really knowing if I should quit or not, and it completely shook me back into reality because there is nothing worth staying in a situation that you know is not serving you, especially when there are real, living, real problems breathing examples of people who have made the jump and have succeeded doing it.
The next sign that it's time for you to quit your job is that you feel complacent slash you have reached the point of diminishing returns. Diminishing returns, This essentially means that you have learned everything that you needed to learn at this point in your life. And the skill sets that's required for you to reach that ending point that we talked about of your highest self and your highest vision cannot be acquired at this certain position. You're at the point of diminishing returns because yes, while you are receiving a paycheck, you aren't receiving everything else that should come with working a job. Meaning the skills that you're going to learn, the other benefits that you [00:19:00] have, certain people you'll meet and so on. And essentially you also are losing one of your greatest assets, which is your time. At some point is going to cost you more to stay in that job than it would for you to be brave and make the jump into something that's more aligned.
The second one is a clear one that I think a lot of us have experienced, which is that you dread going to work and you have these Sunday day scaries. Like I mentioned in the last episode, your body always knows. And sometimes when a job is not for us, it can cause our bodies to become completely dysregulated. I remember when I used to walk into a past job, it felt like the whole weight of the world was on my shoulders and I was just not myself anymore.
It's almost the same vibe as when you hang out with someone and feel completely drained after and you know that you shouldn't be hanging out with them anymore. This is your body's way of telling you to leave this situation. Your body simply isn't compatible with the circumstances that you're putting it other remaining in a place. That's not for you.
Other ways that dysregulation could show up it can be lots of headaches, [00:20:00] pressure on your shoulders, getting sick and having a weak immune system. It might be hard to sleep, especially on those Sundays when you know exactly what's coming the next day.
There's also something called revenge bedtime procrastination. That's super prevalent here. This is when you are pushing off when you decide to go to sleep So you might go to sleep super super late Because you didn't have enough time in the day to do what you actually wanted to do And you know what the next day will bring i. e going to a job that you doesn't serve you anymore. So you try to prolong the time that you have for yourself. And before you have to wake up and go back to a situation that you don't want to be anymore.
One sign that I had was I started to develop social anxiety. And And I do not identify as an anxious person at all. I'm a super social person. I can pretty much speak to anybody, but at the point where there is so much added pressure and stress where I stopped being able to speak to other people, I knew that it was time to go because it was taking a toll on who I was as a person and that's something that I wasn't willing to sacrifice.
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The last sign that you know, you're ready to quit is when you feel like in your spirit, the money just isn't enough anymore. I think that this is the last straw.
You get to the point where you say you could not pay me to do this
And if that really isn't enough for you to anymore, that's how you know that it really is time for you to go and to start taking action on your next move, which is what we're going to dive into right now.
When it comes to positioning yourself for your next move, there are just a couple of tips that I have. The first is adopting an abundance mindset towards it, especially if you're searching for a new opportunity right now. The economy, it can be a very tough, there are a lot of people who are searching. When I was back in 2020, it took me about six months to land a job. But don't give up on yourself and continue to have the faith that your opportunity is out there.
Secondly, I think this is a really big one.
Know what you're running towards. We already know what we're running away from, but have a very clear understanding of what you're running towards in that, how that aligns [00:22:00] with how you see your life panning out.
Like I mentioned about the subconscious. It likes to keep you safe. Keeping you safe means keeping you in situations and circumstances that feel familiar. So when you're moving towards a new opportunity, you don't want to subconsciously recreate or end up in a very similar environment as your past workplace, just because to your so conscious, it's predictable.
Some ways to navigate. This is to just be super clear on your, why, what is the driving factor behind what you do? What is your overarching mission statement and what is your purpose? The first episode of this podcast, dives into how to figure out your purpose and live in it.
So I recommend giving that listen, if you haven't already.
But, like I mentioned as you're embarking on a privet, just be so clear on what you didn't like in the previous situation that you're not looking to recreate in the next and why you're leaving it. Otherwise, you might find yourself having to pivot again sooner rather than later.
You should definitely go out of your way to have as many conversations or interviews and network as [00:23:00] much as you can.
Let me know if you want an episode specifically on that. And I can give all of my tips surrounding that, but those are some really good ways to ensure that you're not ending up in a situation. That's going to leave you in a very similar spot.
A couple of last things to share with you for today's episode, just understand that this nagging feeling of your overall sense of purpose of that want, and that desire for more, it is never going to go away. It is only going to become stronger and stronger and stronger until you finally have to listen to it.
Sorta like that analogy we talked about with the frog in the boiling water, the temperature's going to get hotter and hotter and harder and soon you aren't going to be able to ignore it. So definitely stay in tune with your intuition. Act upon inspired action and prepare your bed to that way. When it's time to make that pivot. You're going into an opportunity that is an alignment with how you see your life panning out and as an alignment for something that you want.
It's also very good to know. And remember that you do not exist in a silo. As humans we [00:24:00] exist in the collective. So when you do something, there is a ripple effect that happens.
I don't know where I originally heard this from, but when you decide to live authentically to yourself, you inspire other people to do the same. Because It's so obvious when others are living outside of alignment, when they have these amazing talents or passions that they are meant to pursue, but just aren't really doing that.
Like I mentioned before quitting something that you've made a commitment towards is not an easy thing to do at all. It feels like teetering off of the diving board to dive into the deep end. And you aren't necessarily sure what the other side is going to have in store for you.
But it's also one of the most powerful things that you can do to take that agency back into your own hands and have a course correction towards your long-term goals and your long-term vision.
So that's really all I had to say about today's topic. Thank you so much for listening and let me know your thoughts, you know, send me a DM on at the post-grads playbook, Instagram account, leave review on apple podcasts.
I would love to see it so much. Share this on your story so that other [00:25:00] people can find the podcast and we can continue to grow.
And sign up for the newsletter so that you're in touch with everything that's happening in the community. So, thank you once again. Thanks so much for listening and I am rooting for you. I will speak to you next week.
Bye-bye.